Gone from my sight, that is all.

If there is a single definition of healing 
it is to enter with mercy and awareness 
those pains, mental and physical,  
from which we have withdrawn 
in judgement and dismay.” 
Stephen Levine, A Year to Live

​Today is my fairy god-mother’s birthday. She is who I thank most for who I am becoming. Tiana, as she liked to be called, was a force and she knew it. She was devoted to that which she liked and emphatic about those things she did not like- to include square plates and football. 
When Tiana was diagnosed with ovarian cancer she wasn’t surprised nor particularly upset. She wanted to be full and fierce or nothing. Her diagnosis returned her the control she had lost over her life as her children had grown, left home, and she and her husband divorced.  

She engaged the best doctors, care providers, and advisors, and when it became apparent that hers was not a fight to be won, she pressed me into service for what I now practice as a Death Doula. 
We sorted her affairs, her home, and her many possessions. We reviewed her life, reflected on her ‘who’, her values, and her legacy. She knew what she wanted her people to remember about her and she knew how she wanted to live on in their lives. She wrote letters, made phone calls, and distributed inheritances with her warm hand. She made meaning of her life and enriched the lives of those she loved. She gave me a gold bangle that, when I snapped it on my wrist, locked. It’s been there almost 8 years. She was pleased then and I believe she keeps it there still.  

She determined every aspect of her passing away and created an action timeline for her demise. She survived her chaos because she accepted it, made her self strong, her space safe, and so lived until she died. 

She returned her star dust to the universe in September 2012.  

She stood in the storm 
and when the wind did not blow her away, 
she adjusted her sails.” 
Elizabeth Edwards